Save The Girls

I’m getting on my soapbox today. Ladies-get your mammograms!! Do self-examinations! Stay on top of it. I didn’t and I really regret it now. Don’t put it off until later. If you’ve never had one, go get a baseline NOW!! Ten minutes of pressure and pain is much better than 6+ plus mos of cancer treatments. Don’t think it can’t happen to you. It can!! My dad’s mom was the only one in my family. It could start with you! Tell your moms, sisters, daughters, aunts and your friends. Most insurance pays for it. I had 3D and it was only $25 more. Small price for a huge peace of mind.
If my situation can get one person taking care of her girls, than this is worth it

Meet Bruno, My New Pit Bull

People keep saying how horrible Grinnell Regional Medical Center is and now I have experienced first hand. First I have the insensitive Dr. Walker who basically gave me a death sentence just by looking at my ultrasound “It doesn’t look good” and then “I hope I’m wrong” after my ultrasound. But now this is even worse than that.

I am not the type of person that back talks anyone. I am more apt to back down, say oh that’s ok and go on. I don’t even return food if it’s not what I ordered. Today I did something I never thought I would do and I am glad I did it. I am not going let anyone walk all over me anymore. I feel empowered!

I had an appointment scheduled with Dr. Kieper at Surgical Associates for 1:00. It was supposed to be the first appointment of his day as he has surgeries in the morning. The nurse called us back maybe around 1:05 or so. She did the normal check in, questions, pulse, blood pressure (btw it was really good at that point-good thing no one took it afterwards). We sat in that room without any contact from the outside world until 2:00. We could heard laughter in the hallway. I asked Jarl what he would do if I just walked out. He smiled and said he didn’t think I would do it. A year ago he would have been right. A little before 2, he went out to talk to the reception or anyone. He asked if Dr. Kieper was running behind and was told by a ‘bitch’ his words not mine, “yes, he is.” and nothing else. Jarl then said he was with me if I wanted to go. I opened the door and walked out. I walked out passed the nurses and I think Dr. Kieper. I walked out passed the front desk and hit the elevator button. And yes, Jarl was right with me. No one came running. We got in the car and drove home. Maybe it’s just a paper cut to them, or because they do that every day, but I don’t. My time is also important. I was left waiting, stressing out and they could have cared less. We weren’t home five minutes when the phone rang. It was the nurse apologizing all over the place. I held it together and said it would have been nice to have someone check on us, not leave us hanging, etc. Again she apologized.

That would have been good enough for me, but then I told Mary. Meet Bruno, my new pit bull. Mary was madder than I have ever seen her. Okay maybe not ever, but she was really, really mad. She called Surgical Associates and asked to speak to the office manager. She was told she was in a meeting. Mary then said “Fine, I’d like to speak to Dr. Coster.” Dr. Coster is a bigwig at the clinic. The reception asked if it was an emergency and Mary replied, “No, but it’s gonna be if I don’t talk to someone”. They paged the manager. The manager told Mary what Mary wanted to hear. Oh I’m so sorry, blah, blah. Marcia is our top priority. If she would like to come back right now, we can get her right in, blah, blah, blah. By this time I am back at work and I really don’t want to drive back into town, wait another how long for this surgeon. I did want to know my options and hear what he knew. I had Mary give the office manager my cell phone so he could call me. She told Mary she would have him call me. I waited ANOTHER 35 minutes without hearing anything and finally turned off my phone. Apparently being a top priority means you have to wait until the surgeon is done with his appointments. He finally left me a message at 4:10. An hour and a half after we were told he would call me right away. WHATEVER!!! I am not having my gall bladder out, I’m not there to have my toe nails trimmed. I am there because I have breast cancer!! This is a very scary thing for me because, I’m sorry it doesn’t happen to me everyday. Maybe they deal with cancer everyday but they sure don’t have any compassion whatsoever. I am tired of this bullshit. GRMC is not a world class hospital, it does not employee people that give a damn about the patient. It is about the almighty dollar. It’s all about the donors who give the thousands of dollars. I will never donate money to them again. If I have to drive to Des Moines, Iowa City or Marshalltown I will.

Chris and I have come up with code words as he doesn’t like to say the word cancer. Being a huge fan of Transformers, we decided that I have Deceptacons that need to be taken out by the Autobots. Optimus Prime will be accompanying me to my treatments.

I’m gonna handle whatever God gives me

It’s the word no one wants to hear let alone say– cancer.  I might have breast cancer.  It started a couple weeks ago when I was showering. I felt a large lump in my right breast.  No, I imagined that. Okay I had Jarl feel it.  Of course he didn’t mind coping a feel.  He thought it felt the same in both breasts.  So I chose to just go on. But God wouldn’t let me.  He is persistent.  I knew I needed it checked out.  On Friday I called for an appointment at the health clinic at work. That is one of the great benefits at working at GMRC.  We have a health clinic right on campus. When the reception answered I had to say the words “I found a lump in my breast”.  As soon as I got off the phone I lost it.  I felt sick.  My best friend who just happens to be my sister works at GMRC too. I had to talk to her.  Although I had told myself that if it was the big C, I wouldn’t let her know.  Hey- I hadn’t figured out how to avoid her while I went through treatment. Mary had gone through cancer with my brother-in law Ron and I didn’t want to do that to her.  Hey! Isn’t this supposed to be about me?  I was worried about my sister and my son (more on that later).  I knew whatever happens God is in control. Whatever happens it’s in His hands. 

I sent Mary a message asking her to meet me in the first aid room.  (It’s the best place to meet when you need to have a private conversation).  There’s a reason Mary is my best friend. She would do anything for me. And I mean anything!!   She told me she would go with me to the clinic and she did. Kasey thought it was a cyst but she wanted me to have it checked out. Kasey is the PA at the clinic.  She called and set up a mammogram and an ultrasound for Tuesday. 

 Friday to Tuesday seemed like an eternity. Weekends usually fly but not this one.  My appointment was for 1:30 and I checked in at 1:15 at admitting.  I know our hospital like the back of my hand so I made it up to radiology by 1:20.   The wait in the waiting room wasn’t too long. I found a Good Housekeeping magazine with Robin Roberts on the cover. I read the exert from her book.  Why did I read that knowing she had cancer herself? A glutton for punishment I guess.  Finally a tech named Gina came and took me back to have the mammogram.  It took less than 10 minutes. Have your boobs smashed is awesome. I was hoping that it would smash that lump to smithereens. I then had to wait for the ultrasound room to be free.  I was in a 4×4′ room. It might have been 4 1/2 x 4 1/2. It was small. Nothing to read. In my little cape.   10 minutes passed.  20 minutes passed. Finally after 25 minutes the mammogram Gina came in and said she was moving me to another room to wait.  Apparently she had another customer.  So across the hall I go in my little cape, carrying my bra and sweater.  Another 10 minutes passed before the next tech, Bethany came to get me.  Now I get to walk down the corridor and around a corner to ANOTHER ultrasound room.  She apologized for making me wait and I made a joke something about the longer I would be away from work. I should have known something was up when she didn’t laugh. EVERYONE laughs at my jokes. Hmm.   The lights were turned down low and I laid down on the gurney.  Bethany did the ultrasound in silence which gave me too much time to think.  Once she was done, she went to have the radiologist look at it giving me more time to think.  It wasn’t long at all when Bethany returned with Dr. Walker who I assume is the radiologist. Bethany was sweet and introduced me to him.  Dr. Walker was all business. He asked when I discovered the lump and I told him and then he said “It doesn’t look good.”  Who says that?  I don’t remember anything he said after that as all I could think was that I had cancer. Tears were welling up in my eyes and I said I was sorry.  Why do I do that?  He just told me I might have cancer and I’m telling HIM I’m sorry for crying??   Geesh. I felt like the room was getting smaller and smaller. Mary thinks I might have been faint and she’s probably right.   He left and Bethany explained I would need to have a needle biopsy to see what the lump was. She asked if I had any questions and my mind was racing and I just couldn’t think of any right then.  She left me to dress. I took my time and used the bathroom. I was numb.  I met Bethany in the hall and she took me up front and made the appointment for the biopsy.  I walked on autopilot to the elevator and to my car.  Jarl asked all sorts of questions that I couldn’t answer. I wish he would have been in the room with me.  I called Mary from the car.  I should never have done that.  She was just as shocked as I was. I told her I had to come back to work because I hadn’t logged out of my computer.  She thought I was crazy, but I felt I needed to do it.  

I asked my boss Dara if I could talk to her. We went into a private office.  She told me to take the rest of the day off. Who was I to argue? I wasn’t going to be any good there.  I went to log off of my computer and a very good friend Laurie had messaged me that another friend had seen Mary in the bathroom crying. My heart was breaking but I couldn’t stay.  

I called Laurie from the car and told her what I found out. She too was upset. I have the best friends. They are really great. They are all so supportive.

We haven’t told Chris and we won’t unless it’s necessary. I can’t even begin to imagine how he will take it. He is so innocent. That’s one thing I can’t let myself think about.